1. I know there are kids out there that don’t have that support system so if you’re out there and you’re listening, listen to me: If you want to be creative, get out there and do it. It’s not a waste of time. Do it. OK?

    — Michael Giacchino’s acceptance speech for the Up soundtrack

  2. Three bears went to a market one afternoon. While they were out, a little girl snuck into their house. Meanwhile at the market, people were flipping out because three bears were in the market. They were shot and killed.

    — Demetri Martin from the season premier of Important Things with Demetri Martin

  3. Celebrities usually go on Oprah for these tight, intense interviews for support from the public after they had sex with their father, or married Bobby Brown, or something. Jay Leno went on because they gave him The Tonight Show back, so, please, keep him in your prayers.

    — Jimmy Kimmel on Jay Leno’s Oprah appearence

  4. I hope to hell that when I do die somebody has the sense to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetary. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody.

    — J.D. Salinger (1919 - 2010)

  5. I’ve never experienced another human being, I’ve only experienced my impressions of them.

    — Robert Anton Wilson

  6. I was walking down the street, and this guy waved to me. Then he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” I said, “I am.

    — Demetri Martin

  7. Now, you may be saying to yourself “That’s great and all John, but I don’t want to spend ten dollars on a book, even if it won an Edgar Award.” And that’s fine, because I’m not asking you to spend ten dollars. I’m asking you to spend $9.99.

    — John Green on the paperback release of his book, Paper Towns

  8. Tell the readers a story, because without a story, you are merely using words to prove you can string them together in logical sentences.

    — Anne McCaffrey

  9. The thing is, it’s very easy to be different, but very difficult to be better.

    — Jonathan Ive (via David Kaneda)

  10. The future is no more uncertain than the present.

    — Walt Whitman

  11. I’m not confused, I’m just well mixed.

    — Robert Frost

  12. So, basically, the Internet is a lobster-monster-thing having an emotional moment with a child, and drowning said child?

    — My Grandfather

  13. I was in a card store and they had cards that said ‘Get Well Soon.’ Forget that; get well now.

    — Demetri Martin

  14. Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

    — Ferris Bueller

  15. Play is over, applaud!

    — Caesar Augustus [last words]